Saturday, May 25, 2013

Missing you

Sometimes I want to scream, shout, kick my feet and just ball my eyes out to God. Why did he chose my mom, Why did I not get to experience a mother's love like others, why did my husband never get to meet her, why will my children never meet their grandma and most of all why can't I just pick up the phone and call her? 

It's not like I even got that much time with her so you'd think I'd be over it. I've been alive way longer than I ever knew her. I have very few memories of her, cannot remember her touch, her voice or her laugh. But it does not get easier. 

I find myself wishing she were here, wishing she could have come see my first baby be born, hold my hand on days when I feel like giving up and let me cry on her shoulder. 

I'm angry, I'm mad, I'm jealous, I'm resentful.  

In my moments of bitterness and resentment I remember that this life is not my own. I remember that what happens on earth is for something greater. I'm not here for my own glory, but for my heavenly Father. If I did not have that glimpse of hope I don't know what I'd do. It doesn't take the pain away or change my circumstance but it does give me comfort and the strength to pull up my boots and go forward. 

I'm here. I'm alive. I have a husband and 4 beautiful blessing that need me just like I so desperately need my mom. I will be the mom that I always wanted. No, I will not be perfect and I will screw up BUT I will ba here and be present. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Back where I belong

As most of you know we spent 8 months living in GA this year, and while it was a great experience I am so glad to be back home!  We moved to Chicago 6 years ago this May and it seems like it was just yesterday.  Alyvia was only 5 months old and now she is 6 YEARS old.  Where has the time gone?

Part of the reason we moved to GA was to fulfill a dream and live life to the fullest; the problem was it wasn't our dream and GA did not fulfill us.  Sometimes in life it seems we need what everyone else has and because we don't have it, we must not be happy. WRONG.  I now know that having a huge house, a big yard and cul de sac are not what makes our family happy (at least not at this moment in our life).  We are content living in the urban jungle!

The kids and I have done more trips to the zoo, library, parks and done more exploring in the past 3 weeks than the whole time we lived in GA.  My heart is content and I am so happy to be where I am.  So thankful that we are back where we belong!

Just a typical day for us.  We love our walks to the park and to Trader Joes'! 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Typical Wednesday

This what a typical Wednesday looks like at our home:

Getting ready for journal time.

Alyvia doing her journal.  She has become great at expressing herself through writing and art this year.

Our craft for the day.  This week we are learning about flowers, soil and gardening.  It also happens to be gardening month, so we made cards to send to our friends!

Anderson working hard on a card for his cousin.

This is what happens when Mama sits down!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Back to Blogging!

Going to be getting back into blogging again!  Excited to be back in Chicago and now with our 4 little ones!

Here is the newest addition to our family!  I'll get more pics once I can get my camera uploaded.  Azariah will be 5 months tomorrow... time is FLYING.