Missing you

Sometimes I want to scream, shout, kick my feet and just ball my eyes out to God. Why did he chose my mom, Why did I not get to experience a mother's love like others, why did my husband never get to meet her, why will my children never meet their grandma and most of all why can't I just pick up the phone and call her? 

It's not like I even got that much time with her so you'd think I'd be over it. I've been alive way longer than I ever knew her. I have very few memories of her, cannot remember her touch, her voice or her laugh. But it does not get easier. 

I find myself wishing she were here, wishing she could have come see my first baby be born, hold my hand on days when I feel like giving up and let me cry on her shoulder. 

I'm angry, I'm mad, I'm jealous, I'm resentful.  

In my moments of bitterness and resentment I remember that this life is not my own. I remember that what happens on earth is for something greater. I'm not here for my own glory, but for my heavenly Father. If I did not have that glimpse of hope I don't know what I'd do. It doesn't take the pain away or change my circumstance but it does give me comfort and the strength to pull up my boots and go forward. 

I'm here. I'm alive. I have a husband and 4 beautiful blessing that need me just like I so desperately need my mom. I will be the mom that I always wanted. No, I will not be perfect and I will screw up BUT I will ba here and be present. 

Back where I belong

As most of you know we spent 8 months living in GA this year, and while it was a great experience I am so glad to be back home!  We moved to Chicago 6 years ago this May and it seems like it was just yesterday.  Alyvia was only 5 months old and now she is 6 YEARS old.  Where has the time gone?

Part of the reason we moved to GA was to fulfill a dream and live life to the fullest; the problem was it wasn't our dream and GA did not fulfill us.  Sometimes in life it seems we need what everyone else has and because we don't have it, we must not be happy. WRONG.  I now know that having a huge house, a big yard and cul de sac are not what makes our family happy (at least not at this moment in our life).  We are content living in the urban jungle!

The kids and I have done more trips to the zoo, library, parks and done more exploring in the past 3 weeks than the whole time we lived in GA.  My heart is content and I am so happy to be where I am.  So thankful that we are back where we belong!

Just a typical day for us.  We love our walks to the park and to Trader Joes'! 

Typical Wednesday

This what a typical Wednesday looks like at our home:

Getting ready for journal time.

Alyvia doing her journal.  She has become great at expressing herself through writing and art this year.

Our craft for the day.  This week we are learning about flowers, soil and gardening.  It also happens to be gardening month, so we made cards to send to our friends!

Anderson working hard on a card for his cousin.

This is what happens when Mama sits down!

Back to Blogging!

Going to be getting back into blogging again!  Excited to be back in Chicago and now with our 4 little ones!

Here is the newest addition to our family!  I'll get more pics once I can get my camera uploaded.  Azariah will be 5 months tomorrow... time is FLYING.

Fall Time: My Favorite Time of Year

Warrior Dash 2011

It isn't very often that my four sisters and I are all together but this year we decided we would have a girls weekend and run the Warrior Dash in Mt. Morris, MI. On Saturday night we stayed in a hotel (all minus Kendra) and went out for our "4th" meal of the day and did a little shopping.  It was so nice to have some girl talk and to be able to bond with my sisters again!

On Sunday morning we did some more shopping and then wound up at Walmart (a place that I try to avoid) and spent about an hour there trying to find matching shirts for all of us.  We went in and out of the store probably 8 times and then we finally found shirts that would work for all of us!  When we all get together is a fun time but we tend to cause a scene!

We got to the race early, did a little dancing around, did not drink enough water, and then decided to line up for our heat early as to not get stuck in the back of the wave.  The race was AMAZING!  It was full of running, jumping over cars, rock walls, dark tunnels, mud, fire and MORE mud!  The running was the hardest part because it was 4:30 in the afternoon and it was 96 outside with NO breeze.

I am so glad that I got to spend this time with Tori, Kendra, Taite and Kinsey and am looking forward to running it next year (I'll be more prepared for the race next time!).  I wish we could get together more often but I am thankful for the times that we are able to have; there is never a dull moment!

We are going to be cleaning mud off our bodies for the next month!

Our Walmart Adventure

This must have been our 4th time in line!

Showing off our muscles.

Me climbing over the rope wall.

Running to the finish- all full of mud.

Standing on the pile of dirty shoes (to be donated to charity).

"Cleaned" up.

Grandma aka "Ninny" Comes to Town

The kids get super excited when their Ninny comes to visit them.  They get loved on and they love having her sleep in their house and just spending time with her; they did not leave her side the entire time she was here!  We had fun walking around the city, into fun stores and eating yummy pizza.  We look forward to her coming back soon.  Wish we had family that lived closer but when they do come, we really cherish their time here.  Here are some pictures she took while here.  The ones of Ninny and I were taken by Alyvia (did a great job!).

Getting pushed by Ninny

You would never know she was Grandma!  

She is happy ALL the time!

We could be sisters!

Trying on hats in the shoe store: Ander's was a bit big and Alyvia is in mid twirl.

Riding along in her Sling  (so comfy).

Me pushing my "crew".  It was hot and I was tired!